iloveyou.

It's so ridiculous. I don't know what it means. I don't know why I am typing it. I just know it. I love you. My stomach drops when I see you. My heart jumps when I hear your voice. Even your name somehow has an effect on me that is beyond my control. I don't understand. How do you do this to me? I sit up waiting for you. I find comfort in knowing where you are. I think about you before I go to sleep. I think about you when I am alone. And I think I love you. I feel guilty that I think this way. My stomach drops and it stays down painfully at the sight of you. My heart jumps and beats nervously and uncomfortably when I hear you. I want to control it but you control me. What have you done? What have I done? Is it love? The pain? The guilt? The nighttime thoughts? The longing? The hopes? The wishes? Being alone? Can you love and be alone? Is it love when you hardly know I exist... I imagine that you do, that you think of me as much as I think of you. But that's just ideal. That's love; the ideal. But I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I will keeping thinking and dreaming and hoping and hurting. Even if I am alone. I love you.