i never needed you, i just liked having you there.

It's dark and silent and everyone is asleep warm in their bed. I find comfort in knowing that the people I love are warm and safe in their sleep where nothing can hurt them. I sleep better when it's extremely late/early (5:00 A.M. preferably). But why? Why aren't I safe and warm in my bed at this moment? Too much on my mind? Perhaps. Thinking of having one last cigarette... I smoked two today. A third wouldn't be a big deal. The past two weeks or so I have smoked no more than one or two each day. Cutting down from four a day is a nice accomplishment. Any smoker would say I hardly smoke and it is no big deal. But a non-smoker would be appalled at the fact that I smoke everyday even if its light. They may be right, it may shed a year off my life but what's another year when you're old and miserable, I'd rather not be old for too long. But why do I do it? Obviously I don't need it. I could go a few days and not smoke. I could. But I don't. I like it too much. I like the comfort of the smoke around me and the cigarette in my hand. The time it wastes. The way I can sit there and let millions of thoughts run through my mind as I breathe and watch my breathe circle around me. It's so interesting how smoke moves, I don't understand it, but I appreciate it. I love being outside on a nice day and having the cigarette as an excuse to stand outside and enjoy the weather and take a break from school, from work, from life. It's just a cigarette and I don't need it, but I really like having it there.